One for the mind, one for the body, one for the soul.

I considered much the conjuction of my infatuation with biology with the asshole who brought it to my attention. I remember being afraid at first that I was merely following some personal authority and that the disappearance of this personal authority might make the passion for science disappear.

This quickly changed as very early on, my interests in Biology became more specific, more esoteric, and eventually, I became much more knowledgable in my chosen fields than he was even before any of us went to any classes.

Now that I’ve retreated to a more “small-time” university, I have the privilege to study the field I desire with the academic freedom to study other esoterica as well (for example, I highly doubt I’d find any time to study Latin or somesuch in Tel-Aviv, even though technically it’s possible. )

The thing about this university is that although it’s less famous than TAU, it’s still a good springboard to a lot of stuff that big places like TAU don’t waste time on. It goes with the communal-like atmosphere that Ramat Gan has.

The thing that bothers me the most right now as that I’ve technically set myself into a “Jack-of-all-trades” route. I’ll be educated in Biology, I’ll be a certified sign-language interpreter, and, hopefully now that I’m back to practice, I’ll be wrapping my waist with a black belt (gah, it’s been what? 11 years now?) by next year. The thing is – a jack-of-all-trades is a master of none… Eventually, one of these is going to have to do some compensating for the others – if I’m into being a professional biologist, eventually I’m going to have to train less or neglect the Deaf community a bit. I’m going to have to really work my ass off on training this year because the deeper I get into academia (and become more prominent with the Deaf) – the less time I’ll have to devote to my training.

You get the general idea. Life’s going to be all about the balance of these 3 “trades”. Maybe the plus side is that after the amount of time it usually takes an average person (such as myself) to become, say, a professional wossname – I’d say that in 20 years I could be a “master-of-all-trades”. Well, at least a master of three.

6 Comments »

  1. tc Said:

    Maybe this ASSHOLE has made mistakes, but he certainly does not deserve to be called that. I’m sure that deep inside you miss him. No point denying it.

  2. freidenker85 Said:

    I miss him not just deep inside, you don’t have to dig too deep. I wish I could take everything back and be his friend again. The scary part of it is that sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror, I see him in my face. He’s done a lot to change the way I think, and I owe him that. He still broke my heart, though, and not just I his.

    Should him being called an asshole be unfair, I testify that I’m a much bigger asshole.

  3. tc Said:

    Well, if you both broke each other’s hearts, can’t you declare yourselves even and have a new start?
    You know, it’s not like he got everything when you lost it all.

  4. Freidenker Said:

    we both did inexcusable things, me a lot more than him. I can forgive him, but he will never forgive me, I know it.

  5. tc Said:

    You “know it”? You haven’t even tried to make it up to him. You both just decided that your friendship is over, no apologies, no explanations, nothing.
    You’re only 23 for heaven’s sake, in ten years you might not even remember what happened, but you will never stop wondering how life would be if you still had him as a friend.
    And meanwhile, you go around letting everyone know he’s a complete asshole, mentioning him only as an insigfinicant someone who brought biology to your attention… I wonder why you didn’t bother writing a post about how you miss him. If what you say is true, about how sometimes you see him in your face, then it really is still a big issue for you. But instead of writing about that, you go and call him an asshole, and only in a comment do you bother to say that “He’s done a lot to change the way I think, and I owe him that.” and “I wish I could … be his friend again”.
    So much for your obsession with reality…

  6. freidenker85 Said:

    My obsession with reality ends with what happened last year. There is no room for apologies, because I cannot accept having him back to my life, instead. Being obsessed with reality is a yearning to know about the universe and nature, but when it comes to people, I’m just a little kid.

    And it’s more complicated, obviously, than that. He always made me feel like he’s being untrue to me. He could never budge, at some point, he simply shut out, and revealed himself as obtuse as the people he and I frequently mocked.

    He enjoyed his ability to torture me because of the willingness I had to learn at the pain of anguish. As much as I enjoyed his and my conversations, I don’t think I could handle that again.

    There was something evil about him, ever since I knew him, something that simply didn’t care when everyone did. Yeah, I miss him, but only because being able to overcome that evil made me feel stronger than I really was and the fact that he, like me, also wasn’t afraid to be utterly focused on learning and inquiring.

    He was my friend, a truly unusual one, at that. But I destroyed him, I brought him entire life to a halt, and no matter how right you are (and you are), I will never be able to redempt myself infront of him in words. You judge me so easily, as if you walked 10 yards in my shoes. Getting back to life itself was nigh on impossible, getting back to hell to find the people I destroyed in the past? I wouldn’t bet on it.

    I try to keep this blog mostly focused on the aspects of reality that interest me, so I don’t write much of what happened.
    I would never have kept my distance the way I did if I thought for one instant that I would ever be forgiven.


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